Jeanne H Barnett's Blog

L.I.G.H.T. – losing to darkness
Love—Integrity—GOD—Hope—Truth
has been almost eclipsed by the darkness

• Love is mocked as weak and ineffective
as are compassion and empathy

• Integrity is hard to find in words or actions
(who knows what “integrity” is – the definition)

• GOD has also been declared weak and
ineffective – replaced by the god of wealth
and power, selfishness, and greed
(putting “self” first seems to sell)

• Hope wanes in the hearts of many as the
darkness seems to have drawn so many
into its blinding, emotionally-charged
invitation to “ride this train,” become
a member of this “team” – belong to
the Make Me First Again “team”
so I get what I want, what I deserve

• Truth has, amazingly, been relegated to
second place to “alternative facts”

Sadly, many of those yelling the loudest are
carrying flags that read “christian” along with
the signs that declare a man to be the one
who will “save” them and are angered when
anyone speaks the message of Jesus to them

HOWEVER . . .
I CHOOSE to believe that our known history confirms
the power of Light overcomes darkness in time and
those who have been blinded by darkness will have
their eyes opened and hearts can be healed and
restored to wholeness – that, sadly, it sometimes takes
extreme struggles to stop humans in their tracks so they
can see how far they have chosen to walk away from
who they were created to be – to see they have followed
a “pied piper” playing music to tickle their ears and
appeal to their baser nature BUT GOD never stops
calling to our hearts to remember who we are and to
honor the divine in each of us . . .

SO, the higher path, the harder road to walk as defined
for me by me . . .

LOVE – love GOD, love neighbor, love enemies
INTEGRITY – examine self deeply and as honestly
as possible, humbly without condemnation
– line up my walk with my talk
GOD – seek GOD, focus on the invisible attributes
and character values to be reflected in
my life and refuse to focus on judging others
HOPE – know that GOD is GOD, faithful and sure
– GOD is the Source of All for All
– trust in the Promises and outworking of GOD
TRUTH – the plumb line of Life written on our hearts and
minds, revealed by the spirit is present within me
– IF I listen to the guidance of the spirit, I can know
when something is not in line with Truth (I do not
need to consume garbage to know I do not want it)

as a follower of Jesus, I believe:
• Jesus is the LIGHT of the world
Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying,
“I am the Light of the world;
the one who follows Me will not walk in the darkness,
but will have the Light of life.”
John 8:12
• the Truth will set me free
you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32

I watched as the massive beast was slowly rising,
terror struck like a hard punch to my stomach . . .
there was nowhere to go to get away from those big sharp teeth as the beast turned and
its mouth crushed everything in its path . . .

like a scene from a horror movie, the beast continued to rise
until it towered over me and I shrank back in fear trying to hide in the shadows—
as I watched, the beast seemed familiar – like I had seen it before . . .

I noticed that the “sheep’s clothing” the beast had worn was falling away from it
revealing a powerful wolf-like creature that was intent on the destruction of all it saw –
lying all around the beast, pieces of that clothing were discarded as no longer needed . . .
was that a smile? strangely, I could see some words were on slips of paper that
swirled in a whirlwind of unidentifiable debris – I saw total destruction in the wake
of the beast as its hunger crushed and then consumed all before it –
I turned away, terrified at the “vision” before my eyes . . .

a huge beast – a powerful mouth – an unstoppable force had appeared,
a nightmare unfolded before me and I could do nothing but watch . . .
out of the whirlwind, some words seemed to call out: “come on, let’s fix this,”
“you have been mistreated,”
“you deserve more,”
“I am the only one who can save you,”
“crush our enemies so right can be great again” —
was that the beast speaking? that voice, that horrible voice seemed familiar . . .

– – – – – – –
I was shaking as I woke up from this nightmare/vision – it had seemed so real—
what could it mean? was it a warning? what did the “beast” I saw represent?
was I just being silly over a terrifying nightmare or was it a message?

the “beast” destroyed all by its powerful mouth – that seems important – and
the “sheep’s clothing” falling off might mean the “beast” was not what it had appeared to be,
was deceptive and the words it spoke would appeal to and deceive many

maybe the appeal of the words blinded me and others and made it possible
for the “beast” to grow huge, to become an unstoppable force . . .
I’ll call it the “Beast of Blindness” that leads me to:
• see what I want to see,
• believe what I want to believe,
• hear what I want to hear and
• reject what challenges my “blindness” so MY story can be THE “truth”
regardless of the picture before my eyes blinded
by my own wants and “needs” which could result in the creation of
some often unexpected, repulsive “beasts” in my world

As MY rationalizations (sheep’s clothing) slip away and
the real “beast” is seen for what it is (a hard thing to do), I can either:
• defend my “Beast of Blindness” and
try to put the sheep’s clothing back on my beast or
• I can accept the humiliation of admitting I was a victim
of the “Beast of Blindness” and try to live through it . . .
hard, hard on my ego – almost impossible!

the “Beast of Blindness” can draw anyone into its story
by using fear, promises of wealth and power, enforcer of “right,” or revenge . . .
as long as “blindness” is embraced and shared with others and
total unquestioning loyalty to the “beast” is demonstrated, anyone can join

Enticing, a feast of lies prepared to appeal to my negative feelings
and make me a recruiter of others who “see” only
the benefits of the “Beast of Blindness”:
• membership in a “special” group
• shouting the “right” message
• condemning the “wrong” others and stopping them
• making the world by MY agenda and
• squashing the evil dissenters
as the “Beast of Blindness” welcomes all to join the “winning team”
with all deposited into the treasure chest of the “beast” . . .

My nightmare OR a Warning about the Beast of Blindness?

Screenshot

I have come to think that my understanding
of the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5
needs a little adjusting, a “minor-appearing”
difference in the way I look at WHO does
WHAT with a potentially major impact

I guess I kind of looked at the list of the
“fruit of the Spirit” as a list of “goals”
for me to attain—
things I needed to develop within myself as
evidence that I was following God and on
the “right path” – characteristics I would see
that would show in me that I was “doing right.”

In some ways that is true, BUT—
now I look at the list more as a list of “energies”
that are developed by the presence of the
Holy Spirit . . . energies that are amazing—
just look at the power of Love and what it
can do –
move mountains,
build something out of nothing,
empower, strengthen, restore—

I seek GOD and GOD’s nature and
spiritual energies of amazing
force flow throughout me energizing and
motivating me,
guiding me into “new” ancient paths
(love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control)
as my “walk’” with GOD reveals to my heart
my choice: my “fleshly nature”
(see works of the flesh)
OR
relationship with GOD which opens me
to the Presence of the Holy Spirit
slowly displacing my human
nature with GOD’s energizing nature.

The difference is in WHO develops the inner
“environment” within me on this list—
me or GOD.

IF it is NOT me, then the time and energy I spend
feeling that I have failed in one or more ways is
a waste and I can be distracted
from my primary mission of seeking GOD
by trying to do this impossible task for myself
instead of following the path of my mission
and letting the “helper” Jesus promised
do the work GOD assigns to all of creation.

I need to “seek GOD” as repeatedly commanded
in the Scriptures
and
let GOD do what GOD wants to do:
conform me to the image of Jesus
(“to become conformed to the
image of His Son” Romans 8:29)

ME or GOD? that is the question—
who can draw me into Love that serves
without self regard,
who can prompt joy in the
midst of the ashes of my life,
who can plant peace that passes understanding
in a heart burdened beyond hope,
who can infuse life-sustaining patience
to one in despair of what is seen all around . . .
what is my answer?
ME or GOD . . .

Oh, the depth of the riches,
both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His judgments and
unfathomable His ways!
Romans 11:33

WHAT IF there was a book . . .

WHAT IF there was a book
that told a story about a “place” that could show
someone struggling with something or someone
who felt conflicted that the path being followed
actually covered up the inner conflict.
So, since it was not recognized for what it was, the
inner conflict could not be faced and resolved and
only resulted in frustration and anger? And we know
that someone wounded tends to wound others.

WHAT IF there was a book
that showed how even the negative events and
people that had seemed to push this someone down
a dark path were actually there to strip away the
“bandaids” protecting wounds that needed to be
cleaned and opened to the light and air [spirit]
for healing.

WHAT IF there was a book
that told about someone who came to this “place”
and lived in an awareness of the true purpose of this
“place” and show it was possible to live in this “place”
and reach wholeness—
maybe even more than one who came to show others
the path of healing, to show that twists and turns in
the path could help to reveal the real wound and
make it possible to stop dealing with other
“symptoms” that distract from the healing
that is needed.

WHAT IF there was a book
that shared stories of someone walking a path in this
“place” meant to encourage others to look deeper into
common moments, words, or events that may have
caused hurt that became wounds that controlled
choices on another’s path drawing them away from
seeing that it all was from a wound that had been
covered up and ignored. Stories that confirm that
wounds cleaned and opened to the light and air bring
healing, can bring a new sense of life flowing through
the old wounded area and they can bring courage to
a fearful heart.

WHAT IF there was a book . . .

I was raised in one of the “one true church” groups and I am still “unlearning” some of the basic concepts from that time – some basic beliefs:

• if you do not belong to this church “group,”
you are lost and condemned to hell
—which means:
I must set you straight, correct all your errors
and make you accept the “truth” I see but
that you are blind to

—what that actually means:
I and my group are smarter than all who are
not members of this “right” group
displaying arrogance, pride, and judgementalism
but never realizing it – my motive was good –
I did not want anybody to go to hell and
eternal punishment
which kept a huge pressure on me and
I did not hear the harshness of the mean-spirited words
I spoke to try to “rescue” those who were “lost” –
I HAD to save them!!! My trust was in me and my group,
not in God.

• part of what was hammered into me was
DO NOT ever read or listen to anyone who is
not a part of our group because they are “evil”
and will lead you astray – label them as false teachers
and cover your ears –
so how could any of our members ever learn
anything other than “our truth”???

For me, the first point of light was
when extreme trauma occurred and
my “group” had no answers and
heaped guilt and shame on me as if I was at fault . . .
at 19 years old I walked away, broken,
deeply wounded, and alone.
I accepted that I was “lost” because
I believed if I was not a part of that group,
I had no way to be in relationship with God—
I was painfully alone with nowhere to turn.

By the Grace of God, I came into contact with
some people who chose to accept me just as I was
and show me the God who is Love and,
over the decades since then,
I have found seeds of truth in
every philosophy of seekers
from diverse paths and I know what
I did not know in my childhood —
when I know that I do not know,
Truth will guide me to discoveries of
wells of Living Water
through the journeys of other seekers—
I do not have to fear exploring Truth.

So, my advice is – do not argue with a fundamentalist,
but always state a willingness to listen and to consider
differing opinions respectfully and calmly –
practice the “golden rule” by giving to others
what you want for yourself . . .
Ask: I will listen and consider, will you do the same?
If not, disengage without insult.
Only the Spirit can soften a heart
so it can “hear” the flow of Living Water
beckoning it to come drink from the fountain . . .

POTENTIAL POSITIVES FROM NEGATIVES—
(thoughts about “women” I have known)

arrogance drove a thirst for knowledge to deny the “tape’” that said “you are stupid’ and,
knowledge, when gained brought quiet confidence and no need to “prove” it to anyone

judgemental drew attention to self examination in fear of being discovered as flawed and showed the need to be “not like them” but better than them which showed the need for mercy and grace for all, first to self and then to others

hostility was hidden anger which isolated the heart in a pit of resentment where a door to forgiveness of self and others was found to be the only “exit” leading to a healing path

the root of all these “women” was:
• pain,
• perception, and
• protection
each mask was unknowingly chosen to defend against others and confirmed the “wrong thinking” that drove each fear-filled moment leading to the edge of a cliff of decision—

to look deeper beyond the hard outside to the wound being held within an impenetrable bubble of “wrong thinking” would mean exposing self to self (the one most feared). removing the mask to examine the wound cannot be undertaken without terror arising . . . will the “women” I have known block or give strength to moving forward . . .

a wound cannot be healed until it is exposed to the Light and the Air, the breath of Life—the Spirit gives Life as it strips away the mask of each of the “women”   I have known and to expose the heart within whose growth was stunted by the “women” that allowed for “wrong thinking” to continue and grow
– strip away the mask to embrace Light and Life even in fear
– meet the heart of a struggling soul, my soul
– grab hold of the seed of Hope planted deep within from before birth
– return to the beginning of the heart unencumbered with “wrong thinking” to accept Life in the Light of Love flowing throughout all as it is, as it will be, and as it always has been
. . . drop the mask
. . . release the “women” I have known after thanking them for their work
. . . step into the free flow of Life, Light, and Love for which all is created including the “women” I have known . . . and me
—-

Gospel of the Windmill cover

Deeper in the woods than I had ever gone before . . . that is where I found myself as I had just wandered without paying attention to where I was or where I was going. My mind and my heart were struggling with my overwhelming life, so I was startled when I saw a mysterious scene in front of me.

A windmill standing in a dark overgrown area that looked untended by anyone – kind of like my life right now, overgrown and untended – a rusted windmill was just standing there.

What was a windmill doing in the middle of a heavily wooded area? It reminded me of me again, wondering what I was doing in the middle of my heavily “wooded” life, standing in the dark.

=======BEGINNING of a story I am working on . . . a story of the mystery of Life

S T R E S S E D to the MAX!
This plant is SO stressed –
it needs some water in the worst way –
when I saw it, I thought it was not going to make it . . .
perhaps it was too stressed to survive and
it was my fault –
I did not remember to water it,
to give it the one thing that was vital to its life . . .

I could see the effects of that stress –
the wilted leaves,
the drooping limbs,
the way it was slowly falling down
into the dirt never to rise again . . .

I thought about the song the Eagles had sung
back in the 1970s “Take It to the Limit” and
I told this plant that I would give it some water and
I hoped we could take it to the limit, one more time . . .
and make it beyond that limit, to restore Life!

SO many things can cause stress and that can lead to
my being OVERWHELMINGLY stressed and feeling like
I just cannot make it one more day, BUT . . .

WHAT CAN I DO to bring some of that Life-giving,
Life-saving water into my dry, stressed out heart-mind
when I am feeling like I am falling down into the dirt???

FIRST—STOP thinking all those thoughts of defeat
and giving up, they seem to just keep coming –
as each one pops up, I will tell it to go away,
every time it pops up “go away”

SECOND—REMEMBER other times I have made it
through some really rough times and challenges
I thought would end me and yet, here I am right now

THIRD—PLAY that music that always gets me singing
along even though I really do not want to play it because
I kind of want to hold onto this bad feeling
(it takes no effort to remain down and
I fight against the music I know would
touch my heart-mind and draw me upward)

FOURTH—REACH OUT when I can,
even if it is just to talk to a friend
about nothing related to my stress
to remind me that my world is bigger than me
and there are those who care about me

FIFTH—LIST some things I enjoy,
like a Starbucks Chai Latte with Cinnamon Dolce,
a visit to Gin Creek to watch the flow of the water and
listen for the birds, to look for flowers to photograph or
check out the sky’s changing scenes

SIXTH—BREATHE IN deeply as I watch the light
of a candle and feel drawn into its simple, innocent
warmth, giving and expecting nothing in return and
I release all the burdens I placed upon myself
into the purifying flames

SEVENTH—BREATHE OUT as I relax muscles
I did not even realize were tense and feel the flow of Life
return slowly, gradually until a tiny, pinpoint of light
seems to appear,
just the tiniest dot in the distance
hinting that there is hope to succeed this time
to “take it to the limit” one more time . . .
yes . . . YES!, keep pushing –
defeat is just a thought away,
BUT . . .
I can take it to the limit one more time — I can add things vital to restore Life to me –
I can restore the flow of Life one more time
—-
“The line ‘Take it to the limit’ was to keep trying before
you reach a point in your life where you feel you’ve done
everything and seen everything – sort of feeling, you
know, part of getting old,” Meisner said in The History of
the Eagles. “And just to take it to the limit one more time,
like every day just keep punching away at it. …
—-