Just Who Is Being Rude???

I was in a store with my parents this week and the clerk was extremely rude! We had put all of our purchases in one basket, but at the checkout, I pulled mine out first and left the items mom and dad were going to pay for in the basket. The clerk started by demanding that we bring the basket up to her and when I tried to explain that the items left in the buggy were to be paid for separately—her response: she started slamming items around and muttering under her breath. There followed more criticism and strong, angrily spoken words regarding the ID. My mom has trouble dealing with negative talk and I could tell she and I were both getting irritated by this clerk.

I stepped up beside the clerk and spoke VERY firmly . . . “I’m sorry you’re having such a BAD day!” My attitude was not right, I can assure you. I stepped back and helped move some of mom and dad’s things from  their basket and then walked forward to stand by my basket at the end of the checkout. As the clerk finished ringing up mom and dad’s items, she stepped toward me and I figured I was now going to get some more rudeness; however, instead she apologized!!! She said she was sorry that she had taken out on us her anger with her employer who was asking her to stay and work extra hours, but was then cutting her total hours overall until she would have trouble paying her bills and she resented the way they were using her. I responded that I was sorry for her situation and she told me she appreciated that I had just spoken to her and had not verbally abused her as many had in her 8 years of working there and she expressed that she did not  feel that she got any respect.

As I left that store, I knew God had given me a great parable . . . even though my words were not spoken to her with the right attitude, in fact, I was actually trying to let her know how rude she was (I guess that makes sense, huh? Be rude to her so she would recognize her own rudeness??? Yeah, right!) I was convicted that God had blessed that clerk through me in spite of me = He was faithful even when I wasn’t!

I pray that in the future I will remember this incident and respond to someone I think is being rude to me with the mind of Christ–realizing that the person is probably going through some tough time and the odds are that I would not react any better if I were going through the same situation. Do unto others as I would have them do unto me . . . feel compassion when I see another acting bad . . . allow God to flow His Love through me without judgment.

October 2010

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ANGER

Friday—October 23, 2015 My thoughts

ANGER

In my opinion, anger is about “control” and control is about protecting “ownership.” However, not all situations are the same and each must be looked at and an appropriate response formulated. These are just some examples from my own life and, obviously, there are those instances when “my solutions” might not be the right response. Also, none of these are life-threatening or potentially physically-harming situations—those are a whole different ballgame.

Stranger/Public: I can remember becoming VERY angry at someone who was not driving in a safe way and could have caused harm to me—but, I could not control that person or change his/her behavior.

Acquaintance/Work: I can remember becoming VERY angry some years ago at a young lady who came into my work environment repeatedly and took over in a number of areas that I was responsible for—but, I could not control that person or change her behavior.

Family/Private-Public: I can remember becoming VERY angry in some family situations where one person pushed her selfish agenda ahead of considerations for and respect for other family members—but, I could not control that person or change her behavior.

There are many examples of my feeling angry, but the above kind of give some insight into the main pieces of my “angry pie”—someone in some situation I cannot control. Whether it is a total stranger, an acquaintance, or a family member, the common thread is “control” and the resulting frustration at not being able to “fix” the situation, so I bite into the “angry pie” again and again.

Currently, in the driving scene, you know you can’t try to fix it or express your frustration because the other person may have a gun and might use it.
My solution: I carry an “anger animal,” a small stuffed animal that I can pick up, shake hard and shout at without anyone being the wiser because I hold it in the hand on my center console so it can’t be seen. When I have finished my angry tirade, the cuteness of the animal overrides my negative emotions and I usually tell the”anger animal” that I’m sorry for letting my emotions get out of control . . . ah, much better, breathe, maybe laugh!

In the work scene, I finally stopped to ask myself some difficult questions . . . why was I trying to “protect” my projects? why was she inserting herself into that position?
My solution: “let go” and trust that God would continue to provide for me and consider that perhaps she was so insecure/unfulfilled, she felt she had to force her way in because she envied me and/or my situation.

In the family scene, the most difficult in my opinion, I spent many hours resenting the impact of this person’s choices including putting herself “up front” displacing and disrespecting older family members and “competing” with their contributions over the years, ultimately destroying the basic family – no relationships are the same and we only have memories of past fun times as a “family.”
My solution: I know it may sound like a cliche, but PRAYER was the only thing that brought me to a place where I could “forgive” this person and eventually change my focus to:
–I can trust that God can and will work in ALL things for my good,
–God’s plans often take years and work in ways I cannot understand, –God’s ways are always intended to result in benefits to ALL
I cannot possibly assess howw God has worked in this person’s heart over the years, but I can assess the positive impact in my own heart of releasing this to God and trusting His Love, wisdom, and power resulting in my peace.

SUMMARY: My anger arises most strongly when I feel the need to “protect” and when I feel unable to “control” another.

My most successful solution has been to turn my focus to examining my own heart (why am I so upset?) and looking at possible “excuses” for the behavior of the other person (what is missing in his/her life?) and then getting back to the basic Truth that God has promised to provide ALL I need and to protect me . . .

When I am afraid,
I will put my trust in You.
In God, whose word I praise,
In God I have put my trust;
I shall not be afraid.
What can mere man do to me?
(Psalm 56:3-4)
AND
reading the story of Joseph always helps me refocus on WHO is in charge and how HIS plans are amazing as they unfold
(Genesis 45:1-8)
My final solution: Trust God
“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
(Psalm 37:7-8)

ANGER MANAGEMENT:
And my God
will supply all your needs
according to His riches
in glory in Christ Jesus.
Now to our God and Father
be the glory forever and ever.
Amen. (Philippians 4:19-20)

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Life is of God 01

Many TV shows I’ve watched lately have a lot in common: home remodeling, income properties, hoarders, organizing clutter . . . first identify and clear out the old that needs to be removed and then go forward and build!

Examine everything to determine

• what should go in the “trash” bin,

• what should go in the “keep” bin,

• what should go in the “share” bin . . .

Somehow that sounds like a good process . . . starting with the old tapes in my head—

see what needs to be removed, kept, shared, and then go forward!

Blog believing hdr 2014-11-01 at 9.55.47 AM

Jeanne Hicks Barnett thoughts — November 1, 2014

You will make known to me the path of life . . . Psalm 16:11

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Be “brave”

Ascribe to the Lord picJust listened to a song titled “Brave” that said “I wanna see you be brave” and “Say what you wanna say, And let the words fall out.” While I understand the need to sometimes encourage others to not let circumstances overwhelm them. . . the song seems to promote a theme which I hear a lot—an emphasis on SELF-sufficiency (taking care of yourself), and I heard NO hint of depending on God as the source of the strength you need to be brave leaving the listener to conclude the strength to be brave comes from himself/herself.
—We humans are good at making “to DO lists” and we forget that what we need are “to BE lists” knowing that God is the one who completes that list: “For I am confident of this very thing, that HE who began a good work in you will perfect it” (Philippians 1:6)—music is a powerful teaching tool and we should be careful about the message we take in as we listen to and even repeat the lyrics.
—Psalm 96 says “ascribe TO THE LORD” glory, strength, the glory of His name, and to worship and tremble before THE LORD. Jeremiah 17 says “cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.” Our world constantly pushes us to SELF promote and to depend on ourselves for answers, but God’s Word says just the opposite, i.e., “Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which HE will accomplish for you today” (Exodus 14:13 at the dividing of the sea), “you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is HE who is giving you power to make wealth” (Deuteronomy 8:18 before entering “promised land”), “You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of THE LORD on your behalf” (2 Chronicles 20:16 answer to Jehoshaphat’s Prayer) & “My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, then My servants would be fighting” (John 18:35 Jesus re his crucifixion). Maybe I’m being a little picky, but I want to be very careful about planting thoughts in my heart that I should attribute to my SELF what should be attributed to God because my flesh always wants me to “displace” God (Genesis 3:5), pride trying to sneak in, sounds like me . . . me . . . me—-or like my 2-year-old self sounded.

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Making Bad Choices—and it hurts!

A friend, a family member . . . making bad choices & you can’t support those bad choices so you try to talk to them & they just reject you & get angry—you feel hurt & don’t know what to do . . . sadly, they feel the same way.
I’ve been the person making the bad choices before, so I know from experience that the anger came from the very real pain I felt & I couldn’t understand why others thought I was being dumb or foolish or any of the other words they used to try to shame me into not doing what
I was doing.
I am sure the people around me meant well & were trying to help me avoid some of the ultimate pain of those bad choices which I could not see at the time, so I resented their “interference.”
I don’t think any of the “advice” made a difference in my bad choices . . . I was determined to do what I wanted to do, BUT it did make a difference that God was there waiting for me when the darkness forced me to turn around & He was drawing me back to Him with His Love, actually had never stopped trying to draw me back & that was the part I came to realize and that made the difference in my life.
I may have walked away from God & taken some paths that were not good for me or others, but God never left me nor forsook me & that is the amazing grace that still brings hope to the darkest situation!!!
Foolishness IS a choice . . . but
NOTHING can separate me from the Love of God—
that may look like foolishness,
but it is the wisdom of a God who loves us SO much
He will pursue us to the end and I, for one,
am very glad He did!

Been there . . . done that!

Been there . . . done that!

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Road Rage Blessing

Yelling  . . . screaming . . . angry to the max! Yep, that’s what was happening in my car for many years—until I realized the only one being impacted by my outbursts was me, sometimes for hours or days after the “incident” I would experience the effects of this stress, mentally and physically.

One of the worst incidents was when a van went straight ahead in the right-turn-only lane on Race street by Wendy’s and sped up and cut in front of me so close I had to hit my brakes to keep from hitting it AND there were several kids inside! I hadn’t noticed this lady until she cut over right in front of me, so at first I was startled . . . then I was struck with the fact she almost caused damage to me . . . and then I was angry because she was responsible for those kids in her van. My flesh responses welled up inside of me SO intense, fueled by all those thoughts running through my head and I decided to stay right with that van until it reached a destination. What I really wanted to do was get in the woman’s face and scream at her, let her know she had no right to put me at risk of vehicle damage or injury and those kids . . . WOW! what was she thinking???

The van pulled into the WalGreen’s parking lot and I stopped at the entrance to watch as she pulled into a parking place and got out looking as if she had no idea what she had risked to get ahead by one spot in the line of traffic and maybe get to the parking place 20 seconds faster than if she had gotten in the correct lane and taken her turn as everyone else did! I stared at her with the meanest look I could muster and rolled down my window with the idea of speaking to this “person,” to maybe even do the “citizen’s arrest” thing for the “scared straight” impact!

As I thought through my options, I realized that it probably would have no impact on this woman or her future behavior, so I slowly moved forward and out of the parking lot. As I drove by her, it seemed like there was a little look of anxiety in her eyes, maybe because she knew I was angry, maybe because she had some situation in her own life that was not good, maybe because she figured this “crazy” who had followed her here was going to run over her. In any event, God used this incident to give me a new “coping skill.”

If you look in my car, you will see on the console a stuffed prayer lamb (Beth-le-lamb) and a St. Patrick’s Day small creature who laughs when you squeeze his tummy and who serves as the reminder of my “road rage blessing.” When some driver in the throes of that very common “self-centered, dangerous me-first” mentality that causes so many accidents invades my space, I grab my creature, shaking it at the offender and shout however loudly I need to: “GOD BLESS YOU as only HE can!” Squeezing the creature’s tummy, I feel my intensity lessening and my mind returning to the Truth that only God can make any difference in a person’s heart–it derails me from that track of negative, angry thoughts and reminds me He calls me to think on a different list of thoughts . . . ones that reflect His nature: true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good report, excellent, worthy of praise . . . and sanity returns to my mind, and peace starts building in my heart, and I take a deep breath to remind me of the flow of God’s Grace through my entire being, through the entire world . . . and, yes, even for that woman!

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I Will Walk Forward . . .

Bigotry is not a Christian value . . .

I WILL WALK FORWARD
(in remembrance of September 11, 2001)

I will walk forward
from this moment in time,
but this moment will never be far
away from me;
I will take up the task of living
each day, mixed with the pain of
the images of horror I see.
With so much mourning in so many
hearts there seems to be no room
for a personal grief—
Bitter tears threaten to fall at almost
any time
as a nation,
as a people,
as a person cannot find relief.

I will walk forward from this moment in time,
searching for some shred of yesterday’s song
Clutching at memories of those
who are gone, trying to move them
out of the shadows of the wrong;
Looking for light to drive out the spectre
of the evil hanging over our hearts
so we can be strong;
Searching for answers in images of
twisted steel,
rubble and smoke,
knowing it doesn’t belong.

I will walk forward from this moment in time
praising God for all those who did not die;
Being thankful for those who placed a call
to loved ones and friends with a final goodbye.
No words can describe the helpless feelings inside or
push away the darkness of fear from the sky;
But I know God is wanting to comfort and heal,
so I’ll tell Him I’m angry and know He hears my cry.

I will walk forward from this moment in time
with an anger that’s risen and refuses to fall—
Wanting to lash out at those faceless criminals
and make them suffer the pain they caused us all.
But I don’t want to be like them in any way,
so I’ll look to the heavens where God hears my call
and beg Him to touch me and heal my sore being
and guide us to the course where we can stand tall.

As I walk forward from this moment in time,
I ask above all, God, that you open our eyes—That we might not be guilty of doing what’s wrong or of doing what’s worse than those we loudly criticize;
That from the ashes, love will grow–
hate spawn forgiveness;
from meaningless violence,
commitment to all heart cries;
For it is only in sharing, loving
and giving ourselves that our hearts are cleansed and demons exorcised.

God, help me walk forward from this moment in time;
help me to not ever forget what’s happened here.
Help me remember that hate drove these people—
that someone believed they had to throw the spear.
Hold my heart close to yours, God, so love overflows
and constantly reminds me You’re bigger than my fear.
Remind me that as long as one person is harmed
because of being different from another—You shed a tear.

I will
walk
forward
as a part of this moment in time . . .

Sunday—September 16, 2001
Jeanne Hicks Barnett—Searcy, Arkansas

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First Responder

We say we believe God is sovereign . . . but, I personally don’t see myself living like I believe it! I still find myself trying to “fix” things and react to what I see as if I am capable of doing a better job than God or responding because His timing is obviously off!

Card Phil 1 6 complete

So, I often find myself looking at something I’ve “fixed” and wishing I had just stayed out of it or raising my fist to God and asking “how could you let this happen?” MAYBE it would be better if I just waited on God to begin with and rested in the knowledge that He really does know ALL things and works in ALL things for my good (Romans 8:28). Boy, it sure is hard to not just take charge and do what I think is best—oh, yeah!

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How many paths do you see?

CHOICES

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Conversation with a “Gifted” Oven

One thing I really love to do is bake. I have a gas stove because I feel I can control the temperature more precisely and, especially on baked goods, that can make a noticeable difference.

Yesterday, I decided to make some cookies, so I turned the oven on to preheat to the temperature in the recipe, got all my ingredients out and proceeded to follow the instructions for getting the dough ready to bake into cookies. With great anticipation, I opened the oven door and the oven felt very, very hot! I looked at the temperature dial and it was set st 375• just as the recipe said. I started to wiggle the knob just to be sure it was seated properly when I heard a voice say, “Don’t touch that knob!”

Needless to say, I was so startled I almost dropped the cookie sheet. Fearing I had slipped over the edge, I reached for the knob again to set it right and heard a voice again, “Don’t touch that knob!” What is going on here, I wondered to myself? Have I gone crazy? There wasn’t supposed to be anyone here but me; I decided to play along with whatever trick was being played to see if someone appeared from around the corner.

I looked at the oven. “Why did you say that?” I asked.

“Well,” the oven began, “I was created to bake; it’s what I do best. You might say it’s my gift. So, if I’m to use my gift properly, I need to bake your cookies the way I know they should be baked . . . at 450•.”

“Oh, my, no!” I replied sounding anxious. “These cookies should bake at 375•. It says so right in the recipe.”

“And you think that book is gifted to bake?” The oven asked with a kind of smirk in its voice.

“Well, no, of course not. But it’s gifted to give directions for making these cookies so they’ll turn out the way they should—and you’re not!” I argued.

“Humph!” the oven was sounding very disgruntled now. “I am gifted to bake and that is what I am going to do whether you like it or not! You did not make me and you did not give me my gift, so you can’t tell me how I should use my gift!!!”

“Oh, so that’s it huh? Well, let’s just take a look at the instruction manual for you and see what it says. Do you agree that you are supposed to function according to the instruction manual that the one who created you supplied?” I asked, feeling a little silly with this continuing argument with my oven.

“Sure, I agree. You just look and you’ll see that I am created to bake and maybe you’ll leave me alone to use my gift as I should instead of trying to take control of my gift,” the oven replied arrogantly.

That smug-sounding voice made me want to slam the oven door shut and call the trash pick-up service to come and take it away, but I couldn’t afford to do that because I needed it; so, I continued on with what was certainly a very strange “conversation.”

“Look,” I said, “maybe you’re just not understanding how this all works. I bought you and paid for you because I knew you were created to bake and I needed a way to bake things. I can’t do that without you. But,  because I bought you, I control how your ability to bake is used. See, if you control that ability, you may burn some things or not cook some things completely. Because I understand how different things need to be baked at different temperatures for different times, I need to control how you use your gift. That way, you are used for what you were created for and your gift is used to best benefit the one who paid for you—me, and all those who eat what we bake as a team.”

Feeling a little crazy, but trying to respond calmly, I continued, “Cakes, cookies, cupcakes, pies, souffles, tarts, quiches—you can’t treat them all the same. They’re all baked goods, but they each need different temperatures, different times of baking.”

Everything was quiet for several  minutes. I thought about reaching out to touch the knob, but decided to make sure the oven was not going to continue being difficult. “Well,” I said tentatively, “do you understand you’ll be happier if you let me control how you use your gift to bake? Just think—you’ll be using your gift to bake and I’ll be using my knowledge to set the right temperature and let each one bake for the right amount of time to get just the right results for each of the different baked goods we work on together! Everything will turn out so much better and we won’t be burning cookies because the temperature is too high or ending up with cakes that are half baked because the temperature is too low or the time is wrong.”

“Okay,” the oven anwered sounding at least a little contrite,
“I see your point. I just wanted to do what I do best, use my gift . . . what I was created for and I thought you were trying to keep me from doing that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I replied as I patted the oven door. “I want us to work together so we can do great things. It’s always best when each of us does what we do best while following the instructions given to us by the one who created us. You may not understand why I set your dial on ‘warm,’ but just trust me, there’ s a reason for it when I do it. And when I kick your dial up to its highest potential, it’s right for the project we’re working on and everything will turn out as it should in the end.”

That was the last time I heard anything from my oven . . .
no more “conversations” with any of my kitchen appliances.

I wonder if God was trying to help me understand something?

Friday—August 6, 2004

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