Deeper in the woods than I had ever gone before . . . that is where I found myself as I had just wandered without paying attention to where I was or where I was going. My mind and my heart were struggling with my overwhelming life, so I was startled when I saw a mysterious scene in front of me.
A windmill standing in a dark overgrown area that looked untended by anyone – kind of like my life right now, overgrown and untended – a rusted windmill was just standing there.
What was a windmill doing in the middle of a heavily wooded area? It reminded me of me again, wondering what I was doing in the middle of my heavily “wooded” life, standing in the dark.
=======BEGINNING of a story I am working on . . . a story of the mystery of Life
S T R E S S E D to the MAX!
This plant is SO stressed –
it needs some water in the worst way –
when I saw it, I thought it was not going to make it . . .
perhaps it was too stressed to survive and
it was my fault –
I did not remember to water it,
to give it the one thing that was vital to its life . . .
I could see the effects of that stress –
the wilted leaves,
the drooping limbs,
the way it was slowly falling down
into the dirt never to rise again . . .
I thought about the song the Eagles had sung
back in the 1970s “Take It to the Limit” and
I told this plant that I would give it some water and
I hoped we could take it to the limit, one more time . . .
and make it beyond that limit, to restore Life!
SO many things can cause stress and that can lead to
my being OVERWHELMINGLY stressed and feeling like
I just cannot make it one more day, BUT . . .
WHAT CAN I DO to bring some of that Life-giving,
Life-saving water into my dry, stressed out heart-mind
when I am feeling like I am falling down into the dirt???
FIRST—STOP thinking all those thoughts of defeat
and giving up, they seem to just keep coming –
as each one pops up, I will tell it to go away,
every time it pops up “go away”
SECOND—REMEMBER other times I have made it
through some really rough times and challenges
I thought would end me and yet, here I am right now
THIRD—PLAY that music that always gets me singing
along even though I really do not want to play it because
I kind of want to hold onto this bad feeling
(it takes no effort to remain down and
I fight against the music I know would
touch my heart-mind and draw me upward)
FOURTH—REACH OUT when I can,
even if it is just to talk to a friend
about nothing related to my stress
to remind me that my world is bigger than me
and there are those who care about me
FIFTH—LIST some things I enjoy,
like a Starbucks Chai Latte with Cinnamon Dolce,
a visit to Gin Creek to watch the flow of the water and
listen for the birds, to look for flowers to photograph or
check out the sky’s changing scenes
SIXTH—BREATHE IN deeply as I watch the light
of a candle and feel drawn into its simple, innocent
warmth, giving and expecting nothing in return and
I release all the burdens I placed upon myself
into the purifying flames
SEVENTH—BREATHE OUT as I relax muscles
I did not even realize were tense and feel the flow of Life
return slowly, gradually until a tiny, pinpoint of light
seems to appear,
just the tiniest dot in the distance
hinting that there is hope to succeed this time
to “take it to the limit” one more time . . .
yes . . . YES!, keep pushing –
defeat is just a thought away,
BUT . . .
I can take it to the limit one more time — I can add things vital to restore Life to me –
I can restore the flow of Life one more time
—-
“The line ‘Take it to the limit’ was to keep trying before
you reach a point in your life where you feel you’ve done
everything and seen everything – sort of feeling, you
know, part of getting old,” Meisner said in The History of
the Eagles. “And just to take it to the limit one more time,
like every day just keep punching away at it. …
—-
besed on a talk given in the 1990s which was based on a life beginning in innocence journeying through many dark pits and exploring many paths seeking to understand the “war” I felt dictated the dramas in my life — I felt like I was in some science fiction movie and eventually reached the point of total defeat . . .
–this PROJECT has been ongoing for many decades and my PURPOSE is to share what I have experienced in the hope of helping myself and others see some light on a path that often seems so dark . . . BUT I BELIEVE there is always HOPE to see some light and to explore the path, to face the “enemy” (even if it turns out it is just me), and to understand how I am drawn to choose to be where I am wounded so I can make better choices for me on the path ahead . . .
exploring the “war” can equip me to walk toward PEACE . . . a journey that can be challenging as I seek Truth that can be “uncomfortable” to face but I feel sure exploring these areas will lead me to a “battle plan” of Life as Light displaces darkness to expose and bring healing to my wounds . . . it is a process . . . it is a project . . . seeking love and light in the midst of war!
confusion . . . chaos . . . conflict . . . consternation . . . SO MANY ANSWERS – NO ANSWERS too many LOUD voices demanding my “loyalty” in a time of violence and dissonance— all paths look dark . . . all ways appear dangerous looking around for any sign to guide me and then . . . I fall in exhausted silence and I see a lantern and then a light and then Life before me and a message seems to speak from these simple, observable commonplace scenes— lessons to help me on my journey. so I grab my shovel and begin digging . . . STOP, I hear – be still! look and listen to the simple, yet complex Life all around and I seem to feel a breath from deep inside softly calling me to partake of Life in all creation to see those deeper lessons of Life— drop the shovel – avoid complicated mental gymnastics – just breathe in Life from all creation – walk in silence “seeing” Life everywhere as a child being amazed by an insect or a flower drink in life as it flows throughout all an unseen power flowing Life through Love release – refresh – restore simple . . . not easy . . .
MURDER – murder is to take away “life” – that could be physically, emotionally, or spiritually – Life is that force that flows throughout everything in existence and, therefore, murder is the taking away of that flow of Life
In Matthew 5 – the “sermon on the mount” Jesus expands on the meaning of laws the people were familiar with – specific laws – clear statements of “thou shall not” repeated as part of a set of God-given laws in what we call the Old Testament
Jesus stated the law and then Jesus did not deal with the aspect most people accepted as what the law was saying, physical destruction of another person, but Jesus points to those deep, often dark, emotions that are the underlying cause of the act of murder – anger, resentment, jealousy, greed, revenge and more – someone getting “crosswise” with someone else over something –
Jesus said to deal with those feelings before I take that step that will destroy me and punish the one I am focused on — dealing with those emotions at the beginning is the only way to handle the “debt” I feel is rightfully mine to collect –
murder or harboring hard feelings will cause destruction of more than the one I feel owes me, it will destroy a place inside of me where light and love reside and it will build that wall that may never be torn down and that wall holds me a prisoner, as I stay behind a wall of my own making clinging to that dark story of hurt and harm done to me and blocking healing and the flow of Life to my own heart
Maybe I need to -—pull out that story of a debt owed to me and accept the truth that only I can hold or release that debt —if possible, try to find a way to work it out with the one who wronged me (not always possible) —if I cannot work it out with my adversary, I will try to remember the words “owe no man anything but love” and KNOW we all owe a debt to others that we cannot ever pay, no one is without fault in word or deed – no perfect people in this world, not one (not even me)!
Jesus never mentions who was right or who was wrong or if the “debt” was justifiable, only that a broken relationship is based in negative emotions and that, as salt and light (Matthew 5:20) and in the context of the stated mission of Jesus (Luke 4:18), healing of that brokenness is the focus of the command “do not murder” for the “benefit” gained is a dark reward
– looking beyond the act of murder to the root cause(s) of that act leads to a heart distracted from Truth, from Purpose, and from Life for itself as it builds a dark wall to demand the “other” pay the debt while feeding itself anger and all that goes along with that anger like the old words: it is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die — feeding on those dark thoughts only harms me and even that stirs up more of those dark thoughts in my heart/mind
Oh, I hear my wounded heart shouting – “that is not fair!” – “that so-and-so did me wrong” – “I cannot just go on like nothing happened!!!”
And that is why Jesus calls us to focus on healing the brokenness, not on the right and wrong, but on joining the “club of salt and light”* – the club that recognizes the debt and accepts that the “other” must be left to a higher “court” while I draw salt and light into myself to heal the wounds and stop the flow of the “poison” of anger and resentment that will only succeed in robbing ME of my Life.
“Do not murder” may be most important when I realize it is a command for me to stop robbing myself of Life and Light and Love – to stop my own murder (taking away my Life) by my own thoughts.
Just thinking . . . there are two worlds I can see.
One world is dark with just a very little light and the other world seems to hold a tree, foggy and not clear. I have a choice – a world filled with darkness and murder or a living tree drawing me to tap into the flow of Life held in its roots.
Dark thoughts – wounds – anger OR a living tree . . . just thinking . . . ======= * “club of salt and light” (more to come)
The clouds seemed to be surrounding the moon – the moon, full of light, so bright, and yet . . . it looked as if it might be covered by those clouds —blotted out, hidden, no longer seen . . . a mystery waiting to be revealed. Will the moon overcome the clouds or be drawn into and consumed by the darkness?
As she looked up to the sky, her heart felt the fear of those clouds – her life seemed to be shown in that “battle” above her head. Light, such bright Light trying to shine in the darkness but …
Madness . . . that is how she would describe it – from a word meaning “foolish, vain, boastful,” or “crippled, wounded” and she felt deeply the crippled and wounded part. Yes, and much of her life was spent being foolish and sounding boastful as she tried to hide her woundedness, to bury the crippling effects of her past so no one else could see and she could pretend to not be scarred at all by the battle between light and dark in her world . . . in her heart . . . in her mind.
Watching the moon and the clouds battling for control, dominance of one over the other, she hoped the moon would “win” and live to shine another day as its light gave her a glimmer of hope for her own “win” over the darkness that had for so long controlled her choices and led her into many dark pits. Was it more madness to hope for a “win” after so many defeats?
The mystery would be “how” – how could a soul that had chosen to listen to the voices of darkness for so long expect the Light to come and dispel the darkness, to shine so bright that the darkness would be banished and leave no trace of its ever having been there.
Does it really come down to a choice for today – a choice for Light that, like the choices she made for darkness in her past, would draw Light to rule over her world today, make Light overcome the walls she had built up, cause Light to defeat the darkness she had served when she thought she had no choice driven along by her belief that she really was everything the darkness told her she was?
Madness . . . yes! But she felt it – that tiny spark of hope that whispered “you have a choice” – “you can choose to walk in the Light today” – somehow she seemed to “know” that all those yesterdays, all those bad choices were good for knowing what she did not want to do in the future.
Yes, even her walk in the darkness had a good purpose. Maybe not the best way to learn, but for sure she would not forget easily the lessons there and she would not be tempted again to embrace defeat or darkness.
Madness? No! Truth unwrapped in the Light, showing that Truth is the Light— and she has a choice – today. That is truly a mystery! —- P.S. the moon always wins – it is always shining and the darkness always is driven away by the Light!!!
Embrace the moonlight mystery madness – in the “battles” of Life, Light wins – it may not sound logical, but it works!!!
I saw the dandelion standing there – on a cool, Fall day when the dead leaves were lying all around and the pictures of that dandelion from earlier in the year came to my mind.
A colorful, life-filled yellow flower – considered a weed by many, a nuisance to be rooted up and discarded— I could relate to that feeling.
Then, later, that dandelion was a small, almost translucent, reproduction center – an amazing number of seeds to be blown everywhere— gifts of life shared freely and I felt drawn to that thought.
The thought that this seemingly very insignificant “weed” had parts of itself blown away and those parts became more dandelions all over the place — a cycle of creating new life — wow!
It spread life by the loss of parts of itself and I thought about times in my own life when I suffered the loss of a part of myself and I wondered if there was some deeper meaning to be seen in my loss.
The dandelion cannot restore those parts of itself that are blown away – carried on the wind to many places – and I cannot pull back or restore what I lost, but did that loss or could that loss in some way spread new life in a cycle I could not see at the time?
Like the dandelion, am I still rooted and living to begin another cycle, in the spring when life begins to flow once again throughout the earth – to feel life rising up in me
Can I see new life as a result of my loss — maybe my loss helped build an inner strength or perseverance I did not feel before — maybe my loss drew me to be kinder to others because I could better understand the pain another was going through — maybe . . .
maybe the dandelion has shown me a reason to have hope • hope for my future because of my past – • hope in releasing my loss and holding to the new life that came from my loss – • hope from seeing life in the cycle of a dandelion . . . new life through loss – loss in the creation of Life – — not restoration, but creation flowing hope through Life — I find hope in that thought . . .
an area of wild things growing in my backyard drew my attention – I have never watered or fed the things growing there and yet . . . that area has bushes and flowers that grow and some that wither and die . . . an untended garden!
CYCLES—life going on without any “help” from me and I wondered . . . are there areas in me that grow or do not grow without my even being aware of them—untended areas?
That brought me to think about— HOW who I am has been influenced by others around me – family, friends, teachers, life experiences, and more that can be seen by others in my “nature,” my behavior, my attitudes, my words and often I do not even notice when I am showing some of those influences until someone says to me : “ you are just like ______” (fill in the blank) or “you sound just like ______” (fill in the blank) . . . and I either feel insulted and reject the reference or I feel good about the connection and accept it.
STOPPING to think “WHY?”— it seems to me that I need to stop and think about why someone pointed that trait out to me and connected it to some one or some thing and why my reaction was what it was. I believe I have “untended garden” areas that I should examine and choose whether to water and feed those areas or pull out those weeds and plant some better seeds.
BEING AWARE—listening to myself and what others have to say about me can help me become more aware of my “untended garden” areas and lead me to make some choices to “tend my garden” to grow what I want to grow. I choose the seeds – I choose to water and feed – I choose to tend my garden . . .
I do not want to be an untended garden letting anything grow there or wither and die there – I CHOOSE to tend my garden . . .
broken . . . that is the word that comes
to my mind today:
a broken world in total chaos —
broken people, wounded deeply —
broken lives, beyond repair —
broken . . .
but what IF (it is a big IF)
I could agree with you
that there is GOD —
like a prism that reflects
different colors from
different angles so that
GOD is seen in different ways
by different people —
not right or wrong, but just
seen from a different path —
perhaps
we could come together to
share what each of us has
learned on life’s journey and
perhaps
we could find the strength
in working together as
GOD calls all creation to do
perhaps
the glue of GOD’s Love could
mend our broken world and
the healing balm from
GOD’s heart could touch broken people
and broken lives to restore wholeness
in ALL of creation
perhaps
together, we could shine
Light on broken branches . . .
perhaps . . . GOD . . .
S T R E S S E D to the MAX!
the changing colors of the leaves
The clouds seemed to be surrounding the moon – 
barbarajhicks
Jeanne
Jeanne H Barnett's Blog 