Jeanne H Barnett's Blog

The clouds seemed to be surrounding the moon –
the moon, full of light, so bright, and yet . . .
it looked as if it might be covered by those clouds
—blotted out, hidden, no longer seen . . .
a mystery waiting to be revealed.
Will the moon overcome the clouds or
be drawn into and consumed by the darkness?

As she looked up to the sky,
her heart felt the fear of those clouds –
her life seemed to be shown in that “battle” above her head.
Light, such bright Light trying to shine in the darkness but …

Madness . . . that is how she would describe it –
from a word meaning “foolish, vain, boastful,”
or “crippled, wounded” and
she felt deeply the crippled and wounded part.
Yes, and much of her life was spent being foolish and
sounding boastful as she tried to hide her woundedness,
to bury the crippling effects of her past so no one else
could see and she could pretend to not be scarred at all
by the battle between light and dark
in her world . . . in her heart . . . in her mind.

Watching the moon and the clouds battling for control,
dominance of one over the other,
she hoped the moon would “win” and
live to shine another day as its light
gave her a glimmer of hope
for her own “win” over the darkness
that had for so long controlled her choices and
led her into many dark pits.
Was it more madness to hope for a “win” after so many defeats?

The mystery would be “how” –
how could a soul that had chosen
to listen to the voices of darkness for so long
expect the Light to come and dispel the darkness,
to shine so bright that the darkness would be banished
and leave no trace of its ever having been there.

Does it really come down to a choice for today –
a choice for Light that, like the choices she made
for darkness in her past,
would draw Light to rule over her world today,
make Light overcome the walls she had built up,
cause Light to defeat the darkness she had served
when she thought she had no choice
driven along by her belief that she really was
everything the darkness told her she was?

Madness . . . yes!
But she felt it – that tiny spark of hope that whispered
“you have a choice” –
“you can choose to walk in the Light today” –
somehow she seemed to “know” that all those yesterdays,
all those bad choices
were good for knowing what she did not want to do in the future.

Yes, even her walk in the darkness had a good purpose.
Maybe not the best way to learn,
but for sure she would not forget easily the lessons there
and she would not be tempted again to embrace defeat or darkness.

Madness? No!
Truth unwrapped in the Light,
showing that Truth is the Light—
and she has a choice – today.
That is truly a mystery!
—-
P.S. the moon always wins –
it is always shining and
the darkness always
is driven away by the Light!!!

Embrace the moonlight
mystery madness –
in the “battles” of Life, Light wins –
it may not sound logical, but it works!!!

I saw the dandelion standing there – on a cool, Fall day
when the dead leaves were lying all around and
the pictures of that dandelion from earlier in the year came to my mind.

A colorful, life-filled yellow flower – considered a weed by many,
a nuisance to be rooted up and discarded—
I could relate to that feeling.

Then, later, that dandelion was a small,
almost translucent, reproduction center –
an amazing number of seeds to be blown everywhere—
gifts of life shared freely and
I felt drawn to that thought.

The thought that this seemingly very insignificant “weed”  
had parts of itself blown away and those parts became more dandelions
all over the place — a cycle of creating new life — wow!

It spread life by the loss of parts of itself and
I thought about times in my own life
when I suffered the loss of a part of myself and
I wondered if there was some deeper meaning
to be seen in my loss.

The dandelion cannot restore those parts of itself
that are blown away – carried on the wind to many places
– and I cannot pull back or restore what I lost,
but did that loss or could that loss in some way
spread new life in a cycle I could not see at the time?

Like the dandelion, am I still rooted and living to
begin another cycle, in the spring when
life begins to flow once again throughout the earth –
to feel life rising up in me

Can I see new life as a result of my loss —
maybe my loss helped build an inner strength
or perseverance I did not feel before —
maybe my loss drew me to be kinder to others
because I could better understand the pain another
was going through —
maybe . . .

maybe the dandelion has shown me
a reason to have hope
• hope for my future because of my past –
• hope in releasing my loss and
   holding to the new life that came from my loss –
• hope from seeing life in the cycle of a dandelion . . .
       new life through loss –
       loss in the creation of Life –
—
not restoration, but creation flowing hope through Life
—
I find hope in that thought . . .

an area of wild things
growing in my backyard
drew my attention –
I have never watered or fed
the things growing there and yet . . .
that area has bushes and flowers
that grow and some that
wither and die . . . an untended garden!

CYCLES—life going on without any “help”
from me and I wondered . . .
are there areas in me that grow or
do not grow without my even
being aware of them—untended areas?

That brought me to think about—
HOW who I am has been influenced
by others around me –
family, friends, teachers, life experiences,
and more that can be seen by others
in my “nature,” my behavior, my attitudes,
my words and often I do not even notice
when I am showing some of those
influences until someone says to me : “
you are just like ______” (fill in the blank) or
“you sound just like ______” (fill in the blank) . . .
and I either feel insulted and
reject the reference or
I feel good about the connection  
and accept it.

STOPPING to think “WHY?”—
it seems to me that I need to stop
and think about why someone pointed
that trait out to me and connected it to
some one or some thing and
why my reaction was what it was.
I believe I have “untended garden” areas
that I should examine and
choose whether to water and feed
those areas or pull out those weeds
and plant some better seeds.

BEING AWARE—listening to myself and
what others have to say about me
can help me become more aware
of my “untended garden” areas and
lead me to make some choices
to “tend my garden” to grow
what I want to grow.
I choose the seeds –
I choose to water and feed –
I choose to tend my garden . . .

I do not want to be
an untended garden
letting anything grow there
or wither and die there –
I CHOOSE to tend my garden . . .

broken . . . that is the word that comes
to my mind today:
a broken world in total chaos —
broken people, wounded deeply —
broken lives, beyond repair —
broken . . .
but what IF (it is a big IF)
I could agree with you
that there is GOD —
like a prism that reflects
different colors from
different angles so that
GOD is seen in different ways
by different people —
not right or wrong, but just
seen from a different path —
perhaps
we could come together to
share what each of us has
learned on life’s journey and
perhaps
we could find the strength
in working together as
GOD calls all creation to do
perhaps
the glue of GOD’s Love could
mend our broken world and
the healing balm from
GOD’s heart could touch broken people
and broken lives to restore wholeness
in ALL of creation
perhaps
together, we could shine
Light on broken branches . . .
perhaps . . . GOD . . .

the Way . . .
over recorded history, there are many who have pursued, searched for, and left bread crumbs about “the Way”—no “eureka” moments indicating anyone “found the Way,” no clear signposts, and yet . . .

Like the hunt for the “northwest passage,” there were perceived rewards for discovering “the Way,” rewards beyond anyone’s imagination . . . and so the hunt continues to this day . . .

As with many others, I have searched for “the Way” at times in my life when challenges arose, when trauma struck, when darkness seemed to surround me . . . and I have been unsatisfied with the “bread crumbs” that have only led me to more questions – frustrations.

So, once again, I focus on “the Way” and seek to simply examine the “bread crumbs”

and slowly, quietly ponder

what others have shared and

listen for the cycle of Life

to reveal “the Way” to its buried treasures . . .

I hunger . . .

I thirst . . .

I listen . . .

I want to be open . . . I want to see . . .

ONE morning . . . ONE sky . . . LIFE

so many messages . . .

6:00am – I noticed the colors in the sky,
soft pastels, light clouds

6:18am – stepping outside, I was
surrounded by orange,
an orange sky that slowly began showing
some purple in still-soft clouds

6:24am – I noticed a bird flying overhead
in stark contrast with the orange sky

7:25am – the sky was filled with
strong-looking gray clouds that seemed
to be saying a storm was coming

8:23am – the rain fell fulfilling the promise of the sky

9:54am – after the storm, it took a while for the clouds to pass
that were blocking the sun, but they did pass and
the sun was able to show itself

JUST LIKE IN MY LIFE . . .
some times are soft, light times that are peaceful and
when some small gray clouds appear,
I do not see them as threatening – BUT then

something changes the atmosphere and I walk
in an electricity-charged time
that makes me apprehensive – AND then

the dark clouds appear warning of an impending storm
and my fear level rises – THEN

the storm dumps on me and it rains,
sometimes a soft rain
and sometimes a hard, driving rain and
I draw back into a protected area – BUT then

the “stuff” blocking the rain moves just a tiny bit and
I can see just a hint of some light peeking around
the edges of the challenging “stuff” and
I dare to take a breath and
look up to the Creator of the ever-changing skies,
the only One who can handle
ALL the “stuff” . . .
ALL the mornings . . .
ALL the skies . . .

Creation is everything – all that exists is creation—
the earth, the sky, the plants, the animals, human beings . . .
Creation is everything that exists and it “speaks”!

Speaks? Communication.
There is verbal and non-verbal communication (methods of “speaking”).
Most of us have tried to figure out what a baby was “saying”
even when there was no sound, just moving and looking –
and we know that a droopy plant is trying to tell us it needs water –
and a sky formation might be “saying” that a storm is coming.

BUT—what about when just the presence of something or
someone can tell us (speak to us) about existence and
how it works for them, what are their characteristics?

There are individuals who, when they walk into a room,
their presence is “felt” by others in the room –
why does that not happen with everybody?
Why not look at why that is true and why not look around
outside at “nature” and explore what makes each thing we see
different from others and what makes us notice some

This is what drew me to notice the world outside my dwelling
and explore what made each item what it is, for example,
what makes a dandelion a dandelion, my first step into exploring how Creation Speaks.

A few interesting dandelion facts:
• Dandelion is rich source of vitamins A, C and K.
It also contains high level of iron, calcium and potassium.
• Seed can travel 5 miles before it finally reaches the ground.
• Seed of dandelion has disk-like extension that acts
like a parachute and facilitates dispersal by wind.
• Dandelion is useful in gardens because it improves quality
of the soil by increasing the content of nitrogen and other minerals.

Overwhelming to think about what I could gain
if I dig deeper into “hearing” the lessons from the life of the dandelion—WOW!

Going even deeper,
what can I learn about each part of creation that may be a “life” principle –
a lesson for survival –
a picture of how all creation is interrelated –
a piece of the puzzle that IS . . .
I want to “listen” as Creation Speaks . . .

As beauty and wonder fill my heart/mind,
I want to perceive the deeper messages. . .

LIFE sharing LIFE . . .
as Creation Speaks and I “listen” . . .

Walking along the beach with hot sand beneath my feet, a river on one side of me and a picnic area in the shade of some trees . . .

My Life seemed to be just like a plant I saw on this beach that was the only plant I saw anywhere on that beach surrounded by rocks and sand . . . did I look around me and complain that there was no one else like me and I felt SO alone OR did I look up at the sunshine and drink in the light of its rays and feel embraced by its presence . . . did I stop looking at the rocks and realize that I was not that far from the river, the refreshing living, flowing water OR did I gripe about having to try to reach that refreshing spot by growing my roots toward the river . . . sit in the hot sand and complain OR choose to grow deeper and out into the unknown, ignoring the fear and reaching out toward the source of Life . . .

choose . . . MY focus . . . look UP or look DOWN . . . MY choice . . .

It is, I believe, often overlooked in our busy,
hectic lives, that God is always present,
that God knows what we have need of
before we ask, and
that the Presence of God is confirmed in
many ways if we have eyes to see and
pause long enough to “know” God is there.

Saturday—Marcus and I decided to run some
errands (pick up my prescription at Walmart
and get some grocery items, look for some
work shoes for Marcus at J.C. Penney’s, and
pick up some food to bring home for lunch).

First stop – JC Penney’s
(Marcus found some work shoes and I found
a couple of summer tops on sale)
Second stop – Walmart
• (the parking lot was full so Marcus let me
out at the front door and he went in search
of a parking place in a crowded parking lot)

• (we had decided that I should call in our
food order when I first got to Walmart so it
would be ready for pick up when we left
Walmart—so, at first I sat on one of the
benches in the “airlock,” took off my mask,
set my purse beside me on the bench, and
dialed the restaurant; but the air conditioning
fan was so loud, I got up and walked into the
store so I could hear better on the phone)

• (Marcus joined me and we went to the
Pharmacy to pick up my prescription and
then got the grocery items we needed – we
were ready to check out and it was at this
point that I noticed I did not have my purse
hanging on my shoulder and thought I must
have left it in the car when I got out holding
my phone and my cane; so we checked out
our purchases and went to the car—my
purse was not in the car – what now . . .)

• (as we tried to decide the best approach,
I first tried calling JC Penney to see if anyone
had turned my purse in there since I had set
down my clothing purchases at one point to
decide which ones to get and might not have
picked my purse back up, but they said no one
had seen my purse and then, I remembered
I had paid with my debit card, so I had my
purse at checkout)

• (as we were driving to JC Penney so I could
go in and look where I had laid down the
clothes hoping maybe my purse had fallen
under the counter I was laying my clothes on,
I was praying out loud that God would help me
find my purse and help me to “see” where I
had left it . . . all of a sudden, a picture flashed
into my mind and I knew I had left it on the
bench in the airlock at Walmart when I had
stood up to go into the store because of the
loud fan noise—I told Marcus to go back to
Walmart at once and told him what I had
“remembered”)

• (Marcus drove back to Walmart, pulled up
on the sidewalk next to the doors I had entered
at first and checked the bench but my purse
was not on the bench where I had left it)

• (surprisingly, it is worth noting that I never felt
panic but I felt a sense of calm, “somehow
knowing” that somehow it would all work out
okay – although I could not see how)

• (at this point, I had a very strong feeling that
I needed to go to Customer Service to see if
someone had turned it in, so I got out of the
car and Marcus went, once again, in search
of a parking place in an extremely crowded
Walmart parking lot)

• (I got to Customer Service looking, I am sure,
like a desperate woman and I asked the clerk if
anyone had turned in an olive green purse that
I had left on the bench in the airlock area—she
said, just a minute and called out to another
clerk that I was there trying to find a purse that
was left on the bench in the airlock area)

• (the other clerk headed to the back – waiting
was hard, but somehow I felt my purse had
been protected and, when the clerk came back,
she was holding my purse – it was wide open
as I had left it on the bench and it appeared
that nothing had been touched—I was later
able to verify that everything was in my purse,
nothing was missing)

That purse had my driver’s license, my credit
cards, my checkbook, a good amount of cash,
all my keys, my medicare and other health-
related cards, and, of course, some valuable
pictures . . . the only thing not in my purse was
my cell phone since I was using it when I
walked away from my purse and I put it in the
belt holder I was wearing at the end of my call,
so I did not “miss” my purse at that time.

Praise God for providing an honest person to
find my purse and turn it in and thank God for
guiding me!

I do not take lightly the Presence of God nor do
I excuse my lack of mindfulness that resulted in
my scary situation,
but I am SO thankful
for the Grace of God,
for the Faithfulness of God,
for the confirmation of my Father
who counts my needs in this world
as important enough to merit the
ultimate response and resolution
ONLY GOD could orchestrate!
THANK YOU, GOD!
and thank you,
honest person who found and turned in my purse – may GOD bless you overwhelmingly
for your kind and honest heart and to the Walmart clerks who were also kind and honest and my very patient and loving spouse who went through all of this challenging “miraculous day.”

TO MY ENEMY:
Skyfall is where we start
A thousand miles and poles apart
Where worlds collide and
days are dark
You may have my number,
you can take my name
But you’ll never have my heart
—-
personal experience:
the enemy, the darkness,
always came when
my world was crumbling and
I was falling apart –
the condemning words,
the judgements for failure,
the taking away of hope by repeating
what I already believed about myself anyway . . .
so it worked to push me deeper into the pit of despair!
—-
TO GOD:
Where you go, I go
What you see, I see
I know I’d never be me
Without the security
Of your loving arms
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we’ll stand
—-
personal experience:
in the darkest pits, somehow the tiniest pinpoint of light would try to pull me back from the edge (I could not see it then, but I can look back and see it was there) – slowly, agonizing moments would overwhelm me and out of “nowhere” I would find myself holding on by my fingernails hanging over a bottomless pit, BUT GOD . . .
the darkness would be ever so slowly pushed back and
it became less able to oppress my spirit
as healing flowed almost imperceptibly
into my wounded heart and
the faithfulness of God
has continued to this day and
into all the nights in between . . .
let the sky fall –
BUT GOD . . .

Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
At Skyfall
—-
the song

Songwriters: Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Paul Richard Epworth
Skyfall lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group