as a young child growing up in the “one true church,”
I felt the burden of taking the “truth” to all
the lost in the world –
the pressure was overwhelming to a child
who could not comprehend what “lost” meant
except that it was very bad and involved
being punished forever with fire!

The fire and brimstone messages
brought nightmares about being caught in a fire
and not being able to get out,
I would awaken screaming for my mama.

Over time, I grew more determined to
“seek and save the lost” –
it was MY assignment in life, my mission,
so around 9-years-old I started being
a part of a group of children going door-to-door
handing out little tracts that would explain
why that person had to belong to
the “one true church”
in order to avoid burning in hell –
one of the tracts we handed out was titled
“Why I am a Member of the [name of church] ”
(fill in the group you were/are a part of –
there were and still are many that
claim to be the “ONE true church” and
faithfully spread their message).

Many of the people I knew who were
a part of my childhood were driven
by a deep desire to save others
from what we were taught was
eternal punishment and to
redirect them to the eternal reward of heaven!

These were NOT mean folks,
but part of my darker childhood history
who believed the same things I believed
and felt driven to “save” people –
it was a serious mission.

As I became a young adult and was confronted
with life and its many challenges,
I found that my “religion” (the “one true church’)
had not equipped me
to deal with MY life –
all I had taken away from my childhood
“training” was a fear of punishment and
a desire for the reward,
BUT,
other than belonging to the “one true church,”
I did not know what got me punishment and
what got me reward. Ah! “SIN!”
that was the answer of course,
but just what was sin?
I did not know the answer to that question . . .
and I guess I still do not know the answer
to that question – what is “sin?”
and,
with that foundation stripped away,
“who am I?”

In my childhood, my life was defined by
• a mission,
a strong clear purpose
(seek and save the lost all around me)
and I had
• a goal
(avoid eternal punishment)
so I never asked any questions –
NOW,
from outside
the “one true church,”
I am left with one question . . .
“who am I?”