a heavy smoker – 3 to 4 packs of cigarettes
a day for 12 years.
I loved smoking and
I never wanted to give it up –
it was relaxing and satisfying,
like a reward or a motivator
to give energy and drive.
It gave me what I needed at the moment,
no questions asked.

My mom had been after me for years to quit, citing health hazards and showing me articles to scare me into quitting – but nothing worked. I was not going to give up something that gave me so much pleasure!

Then I met, fell in love with, and married a man who had never been a smoker. He said he would not demand that I quit smoking – it had to be my decision. I appreciated that, but I figured he would really like to not have to kiss someone who smelled like an ashtray. BUT, I was struggling hard with the thought of quitting.

We went to a Larry Burkett seminar on finances and he presented a scripture and a concept that struck a chord with me.

Delight thyself also in the Lord, and
He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
(PSALM 37:4 – KJV)

He said, what if we look at this verse from a different perspective, use it to lead to this thought: you want to get out of debt but you do not want (desire) to stop some habit that is making that impossible. How about you ask God to give you that desire to stop that bad habit? Ask God to put that desire in your heart.

That seemed to make sense to me – I did not want (desire) to quit smoking, so I would ask God to put that desire in my heart. I picked Thanksgiving that year to try quitting (again), but this time I asked my husband to pray with me every day for 7 days before Thanksgiving that God would give me the desire to quit smoking. Thanksgiving, with a long weekend coming up, was terrifying to me as I tossed out my last carton of cigarettes, but, I made it through with no real hard cravings and went to work on Monday feeling good about my “victory.”

Pride kicked in a little too soon – I worked at American College Testing Program as the Regional Office Manager and it was financial aid processing time (before streamlined computer programs) and we were getting complaints from irate parents who insisted they had sent their packets in months ago and had gotten nothing from us – and the colleges were demanding payments. It was a more stressful Monday than I had ever experienced and I walked into the Regional Manager’s office and asked to bum a cigarette. “I thought you quit” was the response and I said “I did, but I have to have a cigarette to get through this stressful mess today!”

I took the cigarette, went to the break room, lit up the cigarette and waited for the calm to flow over me – instead, these thoughts started coming into my heart/mind . . .
“I told you that you couldn’t do it” –
“I knew you would never be able to quit” –
“see you failed – again”

I had heard these words every time before I had tried to quit and they usually pushed me right back to smoking and feeling guilty and defeated, BUT this time another thought popped into my head and I said it out loud: “you are right, I can’t quit – but GOD can and I am going with that!” I put out the half-smoked cigarette and never picked up another one (that was 1984). Surprisingly, I had no strong cravings after quitting and, for a heavy smoker, that was not possible, as a nurse friend told me because of the nicotine dependency.

It became clear to me that the key was facing the fact that I could either depend on myself or on GOD, the unseen force. When I decided to trust in what I could not see, GOD, and release my “problem” to GOD believing in his power and that his will was for my good, it worked – I do not know how!

Now, this is NOT a magic formula and there is no guarantee it will bring the same results in every situation – why? Because every situation is different, each person is an individual with different needs and walking a personal path and GOD, like any good parent, deals with each child as they are, where they are.

I share this story more to encourage dependence on GOD in all situations, in all challenges, in all of life and to “listen” for GOD to guide to the light in the darkness.

Mostly, I want to share that I cannot explain GOD –
why GOD does or doesn’t do something in any situation (even Jesus tried to point that out and those who heard him became angry – see Luke 4:25-28).
I can only focus on the nature of GOD,
the Word of God, and the Will of GOD.
and say with the apostle Paul:
we were pressed out of measure,
above strength, insomuch that
we despaired even of life:
but we had the sentence of death
in ourselves, that
we should not trust in ourselves,
but in God
(2 Corinthians 1:8-10)

Can’t explain it –
just sharing my thoughts and my experience.